I will not cry and wail. I will NOT cry and wail.

This is the last photo I took with my professional Nikon I saved for.

It should be better, right?

I'm in Christchurch, New Zealand.
I started my day a bit unmotivated after the chaos at the airport and the messed up return airfare, but it got interesting.

I had a lot of things to say about Christchurch and the little surprises today that made me get my spring in my step again ...

I have a lot to say on that.

But right now, my thoughts are consumed with the terrible, horrible surprise that my professional Nikon IS BROKEN.

I was taking photos of the destruction and rebuilding from the earthquake here and bang, the shutter would not release. It closed and never opened.

I know it is broken.

I am proud of myself that when it happened, there at Tuam and High Street, I only gasped and grabbed my heart and did not wail and scream in horror as loud as possible, because that is what i wanted to do.

As a photographer, taking photos every single day, it is like losing my left appendange. Stabbed in my left eye.

This is my camera i saved for years to get, that I am relying on to create my memories, to help others live through my images, and to hopefully sell some photos to keep on going on this trip.

Broke.
Broke!
Broke!!!!!

There was nothing to be done, so I put the lens cap back on, turned it off, stowed it safely away and went to the store to get bread, peanut butter and carrots, to get something to eat now on my "new" austerity budget wondering how to get this thing fixed, and where, and went on with it, because that's all there is to do.

It's like the universe is just throwing things at me to really ensure that I meanthis and have the balls to keep going.

I do. I'm just shattered that likely I will only have a point and shoot for the weeks I am here, in the land I've dream of photographing.

As a friend said, it will make you be creative!
F-that. The photos will suck more.
Ha. But true.

I will wake up in the middle of the night and start calling Nikon. And then make all my other decisions about travel and passes and try to sell stories because that's what I have to do out here.